The 2010-2011 Golden Globe Awards are on this weekend, and I think the title of this post sums up what I have to say about this year’s nominations. The Golden Globes are BALLS!

Being an avid wannabe moviegoer and an aspiring filmmaker who thoroughly believes in cinematic magic, I hate to admit that the film industry could be politically motivated or just plain rigged. The Golden Globes continue to display questionable nomination after questionable nomination, furthering themselves from their goal of being on the same level as the Oscars. I think it’s time someone bought the Hollywood Foreign Press an English dictionary so they can look up the word “comedy” and find out its literal definition.

Best Motion Picture – Drama:

Nominees – Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The King’s Speech, The Social Network

This category makes the most sense to me. Granted that films like 127 Hours and True Grit could be considered as well, but this is a solid lineup of dramatic films. The rest of the categories, I’m not so sure.

My Pick: The Social Network / Reality Pick: The King’s Speech or Inception

It may not be an accurate depiction of the lives of the creators of Facebook, but it was one hell of a movie. It was like The Dark Knight in a way. If you took out the name “Batman” or “Joker” as the primary hero and villain, The Dark Knight would still be a masterpiece of a crime drama. Same with The Social Network. Take out the name “Facebook” as the Internet phenomenon, an excellent dramatic film still remains. Due to their non-American production (The King’s Speech) and high gross (Inception), these two films might actually take the win. You know how the Globes are; they gave it to Avatar last year.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama:

Nominees – Halle Berry (Frankie and Alice), Nicole Kidman (Rabbit Hole), Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone), Natalie Portman (Black Swan), Michelle Willians (Blue Valentine)

My Pick: Natalie Portman / Reality Pick: Natalie Portman

Although Nicole Kidman evidently shows that she’s still got her dramatic acting chops, and the surprising breakout performance by Jennifer Lawrence, I think Natalie Portman has a pretty tight grip on this one. Judging by her amazing performance in Black Swan and less critical press about the other nominees, I’m confident that she’d take the Globe and the Oscar.

Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama:

Nominees – Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network), Colin Firth (The King’s Speech), James Franco (127 Hours), Ryan Gosling (Blue Valentine), Mark Wahlberg (The Fighter)

My Pick: James Franco / Reality Pick: Colin Firth

All good picks except Mark Wahlberg, whom I think is a filler pick, and I have a feeling he will appear again as a filler pick when the Oscars come. The ones that stood out the most for me were James Franco and Colin Firth’s performances. Jesse Eisenberg played a great asshole version of Mark Zuckerberg (or a lesser asshole) but I still could not see past his type-casted, stereotyped self. James Franco is my favorite to win because of his ability to make it feel like 127 hours, when the film lasted less than two. I’m betting that he would be the first host of the Oscars ever to win. Colin Firth is a very close second and also his best performance yet.

Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical:

Nominees – Alice In Wonderland, Burlesque, The Kids Are All Right, Red, The Tourist

My Pick: The Kids Are All Right / Reality Pick: Who gives a f***!

This is where shit hits the fan. This is what gives the movie industry a bad rep. Let’s start at the top shall we:
Alice In Wonderland. This movie is only passable to be nominated in this category because of its musical background and whimsical nature. Fine, I accept that, barely.
Burlesque. Technically, it is a musical. But regular movie folks should know it is definitely not awards worthy. The only other musical released this year was the animated “Tangled”, which much more deserves a nomination than this Cher-like mess.
The Kids Are Alright. The most deserving nomination in this category and should be the rightful winner. The ensemble cast blends effortlessly together in this underrated independent film exploring the complexities of lesbian parents, surrogate fathers, and (no pun intended) a modern American family.
Red. Marketed as an action-comedy but it wasn’t that funny. Want a comic book movie that covers “comedy” and “musical”? Scott Pilgrim VS The World! I would think this would be an obvious choice. It is truly disappointing that it was not seen by more people.
The Tourist. F*** it. The most bullsh** nomination I have ever seen.

In my ideal world, these should be the nominations:

Get Him To The Greek, I Love You Philip Morris, Scott Pilgrim VS The World, The Kids Are Alright, Toy Story 3

And Toy Story 3 would win it by miles. I think Toy Story 3, I Love You Philip Morris and The Kids Are Alright have a shot at Best Picture nominations when the Oscars come. I can even list a few more films as honorable mentions to show how messed up the nominations for this category are: Easy A, Despicable Me, Date Night, Due Date, How To Train Your Dragon, Kick Ass, Tangled

Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical:

Nominees – Annette Bening (The Kids Are Alright), Anne Hathaway (Love & Other Drugs), Angelina Jolie (The Tourist), Julianne Moore (The Kids Are Alright), Emma Stone (Easy A)

My Pick: Julianne Moore / Reality Pick: Again, who gives?

Anne Hathaway and Angelina Jolie both don’t deserve to be on that list. Granted, this is a very tough category to nominate for, as funny actresses are rare these days. I won’t rant more on the disaster that is The Tourist being in any of the comedic categories. But I will say that Julianne Moore should win this category because she was the centerpiece that made The Kids Are All Right such a delight to watch. She could get an Oscar nomination with Bening getting one for Supporting Actress. To fill in the rest of the nominations, I would choose Tina Fey (Date Night) and Rachel McAdams (Morning Glory) for the heck of it.

Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical:

Nominees – Johnny Depp (Alice In Wonderland & The Tourist), Paul Giamatti (Barney’s Version), Jake Gyllenhaal (Love & Other Drugs), Kevin Spacey (Casino Jack)

My Pick: Kevin Spacey / Reality Pick: PROBABLY Johnny Depp…

Like the previous category, Johnny Depp from The Tourist and Jake Gyllenhaal is a frustrating mystery on this list. Although Casino Jack was a weak film adapted from real life, Kevin Spacey performed well as Jack Abramoff and carried the messy film all on his own. Other possible nominees that would have made more sense: Russel Brand and Jonah Hill (Get Him To The Greek).

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture:

Nominees – Amy Adams (The Fighter), Helena Bonham Carter (The King’s Speech), Mila Kunis (Black Swan), Melissa Leo (The Fighter), Jacki Weaver (Animal Kingdom)

My Pick: Melissa Leo / Reality Pick: Amy Adams

I think the press would give the award to Amy Adams because her role is hierarchically less of a supporting character than Melissa Leo’s character. But in terms of performance, Leo definitely made her presence more evident than the Amy Adams. I would undoubtedly nominate Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit) over the Helena Bonham Carter and Mila Kunis due to her prodigy-like breakout performance in her first major film.

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture:

Nominees – Christian Bale (The Fighter), Michael Douglas (Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps), Andrew Garfield (The Social Network), Jeremy Renner (The Town), Geoffrey Rush (The King’s Speech)

My Pick: Christian Bale / Reality Pick: Christian Bale

Christian Bale takes this award and the Oscars by a mile weeks before any nomination lists were released. Much like how Heath Ledger stole the film with his spellbinding performance in The Dark Knight, Bale stole The Fighter and made it seem like more of a Dick Ecklund film rather than a Mickey Ward film. Irony at its finest. Michael Douglas seems like a filler nomination or a sympathy vote, as offensive as that sounds. Ewan McGregor would have been a more fitting nomination from I Love You Philip Morris.

The Rest:

For Best Director, I would be content if either Darren Aronofsky or David Fincher wins. Both executed their creative leadership respectively in the constructs of two very different films. Aronofsky, the indie film genius, does it again with limited resources and pushed everyone’s performances to their best. Fincher morphs a near-perfect script and a group of young talent into a film about the one of the most significant inventions of the Internet age. I would argue that Danny Boyle should also be as deserving a nomination for his unique and true depiction of Aron Ralston’s death-defying story.

As for Best Screenplay, I would have 127 Hours and The Social Network as the leaders of the pack, but with Aaron Sorkin’s genius writing to win it all, even the Oscar. Due to his screenplay, as inaccurate as it might be, it highlights very relevant current events and people and what can be seen as a device that is changing the way people live in the world. Also because of Sorkin and Fincher, Mark Zuckerberg was named TIME’s Person Of The Year. The Social Network goes beyond film, into politics, and into people’s personal lives.

It is inevitable that Toy Story 3 would win Best Animated Film. I had a pretty confident thought that Dreamworks would finally take it back from Pixar this year when How To Train Your Dragon first came out in March. Boy was I very wrong in June when TS3 was released.

As for television…

Breaking Bad not being nominated for Best TV Drama is a sin. Dexter being nominated on the other hand is an even bigger sin, with their poorest season yet. How the Globes find Glee and Nurse Jackie to be more comedic than clearly the best show on TV this Fall/Winter, Community, is light-years beyond me. Julia Stiles in Dexter was a very unlikable character, and another anomaly of a nomination. And last but not least, Scott Caan nominated for his role in Hawaii Five-0?! I vote Donald Glover to replace his nomination spot immediately.

As I stated in the title of this post, this year more than any year before, the Golden Globes have demonstrated their lack of creative criticism, their politically steered intentions, and overall ridiculousness. Yes. This year more than ever, the Golden Globes are BALLS! Let’s hope the Oscars are better.

-phibz.